The soul cannot forgive until it
is restored to wholeness and health.
In the absence of love - how can one forgive?

With an abundance of love, starting with one's self,
forgiveness becomes a viable opportunity.
-Nancy Richards

Saturday, July 12, 2008

"Get over it" vs. "Go through it"

When it comes to the pain of abuse and estrangement, we are often encouraged to just “Get over it.” Survivors often share with me how painful it is to reach out for help only to hear, “Get over it.” It occurred to me that when we place the phrase “Get over it” along side “Go through it,” “Get over it,” seems rather silly.

A few nights ago I had a strange dream. I saw two people tackling mountains in completely different ways. Of course, the physical mountains were symbolic of mountains of pain. One person was trying to “get over” the mountain on a bike. She was all alone, and working very hard. When she did finally reach the other side, she noticed that no matter how hard she tried to move on, she was always aware of the mountain. She did “get over it,” but it was still there in its original form. In the ensuing months and years, no matter how much she relished in conquering that mountain, she kept the secret that she was drawn back to take the difficult and lonely ride “over” the peak once more.

The other person decided to “blast” through the mountain. She too worked very hard. In fact harder than the person who biked over the mountain. However, she was not alone. She had a whole crew of supportive people on her team. Although the blasting was much harder and took years longer, she felt satisfied, because as she chipped away at that mountain, it began to disappear. Each part of the mountain became a “memory” rather than a present reality. Sometimes the work was so hard that she wished she would have just gone over it, but as she came closer and closer to the “other side,” she realized that the only way through the mountain – is through it!


Tamara (TC) Staples said...

Your right - the chipping through is such exhausting work but it seems the only way if we want permanent healing. Thankfully I now have many supportive people helping me as did the girl in your dream. Cool dream by the way!


AbuseAndForgiveness said...

Thanks Tamara,

I'm glad you now have many supportive people helping you. Especially in light of your mother finding you and telephoning.

Sometimes we have to call on all of our reserves to cope with unwelcome hostility. Having support makes it easier doesn't it.

Take care,

Unknown said...

It's so hard to chip away at all the hurt and turmoil that happened so long ago, Reliving the flashbacks brings everything back, but I know that it is a way to heal also. Thanks for sharing..Mary

AbuseAndForgiveness said...

Very hard indeed.
Thank you Mary,

jumpinginpuddles said...

we are about to go through it and we arent looking forward to it but getting over it isnt working

AbuseAndForgiveness said...


Stay strong!

My best,

April_optimist said...

I love this. I'm with you--blasting the mountain away is much better than "getting over it." And the great thing is that once it's gone, the view is spectacular. ;-) Plus, we have a much better idea of our own strength and courage and resilience.

AbuseAndForgiveness said...


Your comment, "And the great thing is that once it's gone, the view is spectacular. ;-)," put a smile on my face.


Anonymous said...

Dear Nancy

This is our first visit to your blog and here we are agreeing completely with the first one we read. We liked your analogy of the mountain and getting through vs getting over it. We can't tell you how often we heard "get over it", always coming from family hiding our perps and other people who just didn't care.

peace and blessings


AbuseAndForgiveness said...


Thank you for stopping by and for your comments.

My experience was the same, my family (and others) also told me to "get over it." I'm glad I "went through it" instead.

Peace and Blessings to you too!


Anonymous said...

What a powerful dream and a powerful message, Nacy. thank you so much for posting this.