Sometimes, We Must Die to the Old to be Born to the New

My minister once told me that we experience many "resurrections" in our lives as we "die to the old" and are "born to the new."

She told me this as I was facing a devastating loss. Standing on the threshold between the known and the unknown was frightening, even though I knew that the known was harmful to me.

I died to the old when I became estranged from my entire family of origin. That death brought on the birth of my new "family of choice." I experienced growing pains with my new family as it began in its infancy, toddled on through adolescence, and eventually arrived fully grown.

It was hard to give up on my dream of a healthy, abuse-free, family of origin, but self-preservation prevailed. I chose survival. After years of rebuilding my life, I realized that my new "family" was more supportive, loving, nurturing and fulfilling than any of my prior dreams or experiences.

Fourteen years later, I died to the old when I became open to new realities - even when they contradicted the past - and the reconciliation with my family of origin was born.

I've experienced many such deaths and births on my journey from abuse and estrangement to surviving and thriving. Each "death" was frightening. It required taking a leap of faith into the unknown, hard work, loss, pain, healing, learning, growing, and stretching:

• The death of denial - the birth of awareness.

• The death of keeping the family secret - the birth of "Standing in the Truth."

• The death of isolation - the birth of validation.

• The death of violation - the birth of boundaries.

• The death of accepting mistreatment - the birth of self- love and safe-guarding my own well-being.

• The death of accepting betrayal - the birth of self-respect.

• The death of arguing, defending, and engaging - the birth of confidence.

• The death of looking outward to have my needs met - the birth of looking inward to satisfy my own needs.

• The death of brokenness - the birth of healing.

With growth comes loss, but eventually, healing and freedom. Birthing is always difficult, but well worth the reward.