For decades, I heard from friends, relatives, therapists, and fellow Christians, that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to heal. This advice - and the attempts I made to forgive before I'd learned to exercise personal boundaries - left me open to further injury and damaged me deeply.
When I finally mustered the courage to buck societal expectations; not to forgive; and to put my own healing and well-being first, I achieved a level of healing that I never thought was possible. My period of NOT forgiving created the space necessary to achieve the greatest emotional growth of my life. Wow!
The unintentional by-product of this healing, was - ironically - forgiveness.
At that time, I realized that the old adage, "Forgive and Heal," was backwards. For me, it was "Heal and Forgive!"
If I only knew then that adequate healing had to come first, it would have saved me a great deal of time and pain. So, now I shout it from the roof tops, "Heal first, THEN Forgive!"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Great post! The difficulty with forgiving someone is so hard, but there seems to be peace. I really enjoy your insight on this. I’d love to read more on this topic.
I recently stumbled upon another blog like I stumbled upon yours and I really appreciated their insihgt. I thought you might enjoy it: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/forgiveness/
I’d love to see more like it. Thanks!
Thank you for stopping by, and for your input!
Thanks for great post! Forgiveness does not come easy for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we've been injured. We don't naturally overflow with mercy, grace and forgiveness when we've been wronged.
Very true Andrew!
So true, without compassion our personal being is incomplete.
Compassion is part of our personality..
as time heal all wounds that is the time compassion shows.
great post!!
Thank you Donna!
I also struggled with forgiveness for a long time. My anger, feelings of betrayal and why me ego driven hurt delayed my acceptance and forgiveness.
I used meditation or mundfulness to help work on this issue. After much sitting and observing I came to the point in which I accepted and forgave my father. It was more that he had his own issues and a narcissist, maybe he did the best he could do. Then if I was going to be happy or get my life back, then I needed to let him go.
When finally I let him own behavior and answer for it,then I realized my life needed my attention it all faded. So now I answer for me and I direct all my attention to now without desire and opportunity appears everywhere.
PTSD is a cloud hiding the real us.
marty
Hi Marty,
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your helpful input!
I like what you said. Similarly, it took a long time for me to simply see my mother as a person with great limitations. I stopped focusing on her, and spent the time to heal me!
I agree, when we focus on ourselves, all kinds of opportunities arise!
Thanks again!
Nancy
Post a Comment