The soul cannot forgive until it
is restored to wholeness and health.
In the absence of love - how can one forgive?

With an abundance of love, starting with one's self,
forgiveness becomes a viable opportunity.
-Nancy Richards

Thursday, May 22, 2008

My Top Ten List of Points to Consider Before Reconciling.

After a fourteen-year family estrangement, one of my brothers contacted me. I was shocked! My heart pounded with excitement and fear. I thought that we would never speak again.

Am I ready to reconcile? Will I be hurt again if I take this leap?

In the quiet of my home, I ran a list of points to consider:
  1. Can I handle the possibility of being rejected all over again?
  2. Have we both experienced significant emotional growth and change since we estranged?
  3. Can I trust myself to set and maintain clear, respectful, boundaries?
  4. Do I feel the need to engage in old arguments and to "change" his perceptions, or can I respond differently to old family patterns?
  5. Am I able to stand confidently in my own separate identity?
  6. Do I feel the need to rehash the past?
  7. Have I healed sufficiently to differentiate between old painful experiences and the occasional present day hurt feelings?
  8. Is the threat of physical and/or emotional violence still present in my family?
  9. Am I still angry? Is he still angry?
  10. Will reconciliation add to or detract from my life?

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